Alchemy - Dross into Gold

"It is not an easy thing to embrace ugliness with the sole motive of hope that in some unknown way a transformation into beauty might occur thereby.  But the myth of kissed frogs turning into princes remains." M. Scott Peck, M.D.



Ugliness abounds.  There is no paucity of opportunity to embrace it. It dominates our news, nationally and internationally.  It presents itself on a personal level in families, in work environments, in casual encounters throughout the day.  Ugliness abounds. Or to use its true name - evil abounds. 

Embrace it?  Ugliness invokes such a current of strong emotions that it puts us in a flight or fight mode.  Embrace it?   It is counter- intuitive.  How exactly does one embrace it?  Isn't this "turn-the-other-cheek" stuff usually reserved for the saints?  So how are we mere mortals to embrace it when our stomachs churn and we recoil from the perceived danger either to our physical being or most certainly to our sense of self?  And just what is the benefit of all of this embracing anyways?

Dante wrote in the "Inferno," "The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis."  So with that as the backdrop, perhaps we need to examine more closely this embracing of evil.  Peck in his book, "People of the Lie," outlines human evil as the willful pursuit of one's own personal agenda regardless of the cost to others and even to oneself  in the face of knowing that it is wrong to continue to do so.  That is a powerful force to try to get one's arms around and hug.  How exactly is that done?  With an equally strong determination and will to stand in the face of it, look it straight in its beady eyes of horror and intend not to be moved or beguiled by it into retaliation.  No small feat.  

And just what outcome can be hoped for of mustering such fortitude and courage?  Peck, in his book, quotes an old priest, "There are dozens of ways to deal with evil and several ways to conquer it.  All of them are facets of the truth that the only ultimate way to conquer evil is to let it be smothered within a willing, living human being.  When it is absorbed there....it loses its power and goes no further."

Okay so let's get this straight, we are not to retaliate with like when we are attacked, we are also to embrace the attack and allow this attack to be dissolved in our willing heart.  Ouch.  Isn't there an easier way of allowing peace and good will towards men to reign?  Like what about the other people, can't they just get over their bad selves and leave the rest of us alone?  The sad truth is that they are probably saying the same of us.  Someone has to purpose to end the cycle of back and forth, parry and thrust.  

In the end, each opportunity where we choose to embrace ugliness and not attack affords us another chance to get over our self-constructed sense of self.  It frees us from the tyranny of having to protect this false self.  There is no denying that it is very difficult to stand in the face of false accusations and absorb them but with each baby step that we make in that direction, we permit another piece of our false perceptual self to shatter.  What we are really doing is freeing ourselves.  So dearly do we cling to our self-definitions that it takes something of great magnitude and pain to wake us up so that just maybe we might be able to entertain new thoughts and awareness.   Leonard Cohen sings "there is a crack in everything.  That's how the light gets in."   We only crack under tremendous pain and pressure.  So instead of putting our energy into defending ourselves or retaliating, we really need to put it into standing still and letting go.  Sounds insane, doesn't it?  And yet, it is the only way for us to be restored to our true sanity.

Peck concludes his book reflecting on the "mysterious alchemy whereby the victim becomes the victor."  
                         I do not know how this occurs.  But I know that
                     it does.  I know that good people can deliberately
                     allow themselves to be pierced by the evil of others
                     - to be broken - to even be killed in some sense and
                     yet still survive and not succumb.  Whenever this 
                     happens there is a slight shift in the balance of the 
                     power in the world.

The gift of standing and letting go in the face of evil is freedom from fear.  So that the next time and the time after that and after that and after that...it becomes a little easier and the fear a little less heart-throbbing and a little less of a limiting presence in our lives.  And with that release comes the ability to truly embrace the heart-breaking beauty of life.  Kissing frogs really does free our inner princes and princesses.  We truly are royalty.  No myth about it.        


"People of the Lie,"  M. Scott Peck, M. D.

"Divine Comedy," Dante Alighieri

"Anthem,"  Leonard Cohen 




  

A Waffling We Shall Go

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."  ~Victor Frankl

Today, March 25, 2014, for whatever reason is Waffle Day.  While the word waffle conjures a delightful treat topped with a variety of sweet temptations, it has also come to a have a somewhat derogatory bent in reference to changing one's mind on a situation. I am not so sure that changing one's mind is such a sign of weakness.  Perhaps, the change of mind is the result of finally paying attention to the bombardment of lemons and opening yourself to a new idea, a new opportunity, a new perspective or new information that sheds a different understanding on the situation. That takes strength.

While it is vital to have core values, there is also value in being open minded enough to understand that in today's complex world, it is impossible to know or understand all of the nuances of every situation.  To me, wisdom stems from knowing what you stand for and being able to adapt that to fit the situation.  To rigidly adhere to a position that is not defensible in light of changing information is sheer folly and doomed to total failure.  Life hands us opportunities (lemons) to constantly move us beyond our understandings of yesterday.  Each time we open ourselves to these new understandings and move beyond our entrenched positionalities, we refine even further our core values and define anew who we are.

Decisions and choices need to be made all the time.  To be decisive is a hallmark of leadership.  It is important to be able in the moment to synthesize all of the available information and to act using one's best judgement in that moment.  It is also important not to become so attached and defensive about that decision if time shows it to not be optimal.  Life is a dance.  Dance needs flow and movement - freedom.  What worked in yesterday's choreography may not be what today's needs.  Don't take yourself so seriously that you are unable to adapt and flow with what today's tune is.  

There is a difference between being wishy-washy and flexible.  Wishy-washy stands for nothing.  It comes from fear and avoidance of making a decision because you are afraid you might be wrong. So what?  If you have acted from your best intention and find out it is a misstep, shrug it off, chalk it up to learning and get back out on the dance floor.  That takes confidence and that is where flexible comes from, knowing what you stand for and being willing to stick your neck out for it.  If you are proven wrong, you have enough confidence to have the grace to admit it and step right back into the flow and dance on.    

So today, of all days, allow yourself the freedom to waffle.  Go have fun and quit taking yourself and the world so seriously.  Give us all a break and enjoy some of these scrumptious waffles in the process.  

waffle recipes  

Check out what research on the ability to change your mind has to say.














































































  

changing one's mind